Tuesday, February 4, 2020

The Bachelor Recap | week five Monday night

Three hours...three stinking hours. Oh and yes, you aren't seeing things-well & you know by now...this is ep one of two this week. How we are getting 2 days, 5 hours worth of drams this week? Idk. But oof, I just don't know how I feel about it. Let's see if I change my tune by the end of the week. 

Alrightyroo, picked up where we left off. Alayah drams. Now she's pulled aside and sitting with Peter. Blah blah, I'm v over this bs. I either need him to be all in for her or all out. Ohhhh...damn. I guess I didn't see that coming. Pete sends her home even tho he likes her. The vultures are "so confused" (I am on their side tho, he never should've had her back)

I really wonder if EVERY girl in that room really thinks "it could be me" at the end....but then again I thought I was going to marry Justin Timberlake, so yeah I guess I can see it. 

P is back in telling the girls that he is all in and he knows what he wants. He's apologizing and laying it out there. I respect that he's being so forthcoming with them. I feel like Bach in the past have been even more wishy-washy (Peter's words..) and thought more with their D's, he seems v genuine.

P & HA took a polaroid-make a note of that. Lots of kissing, I missed it all...Oh and Mykenna was teaching him dancing and if you follow her on TikTok you know she throws down. 

Rose Ceremony:

Hannah Ann
Victoria P or VP

P & the ladies are off to Costa Ricaaaaa-which makes me think of Toby from The Office. The tears are going international friends! I hope they bring tissues with them...I'd hate for them to get somewhere and have to use tissues that could make their faces break out. 

Speaking of broken faces, Peter shows up with a bandage on his face and tells this wild story-which was a lie. Now the truth is he walked into a golf cart like an idiot. BAHAHAH, wait, so they showed it and he hit his head while getting in to sit down and his head bounced into the glass in his hand...22 stitches. 

One on One: with Sydney

P flies her away in a helicopter. And they end up in the middle of nowhere, kinda just hanging out.

WAIT ONE SECOND...KELSEY AND HA ARE CHIT-CHATTING IT UP? COME ON, they are enemies. Don't we remember #champsgate? Ugh. Blah. Also, why does Kelsey cry all the time? All the time...

P is speaking Spanish to Syd and I'm pretty sure she didn't know what he said. He calls her the best kisser. She has great lips. They've barely talked, I really feel like this happens on all his dates. I don't see anything besides them, but physical chemistry. 

On the night part of the date, she shares her story about her childhood and I feel like she really opened up to him, but I don't see a major spark there. He says he wants to be her rock and gives her the rose! He wants someone with a huge heart and lots of love to give-that's what he wants in a wife. They make out in the hot tub and call it a night. 

Woahhhh, Kelsey-popping off at the house about Syd-I like her, but she's a fake bitch. Damnnn. ALL SHE DOES IS CRY. OMG. 

Group date:

Costa Rica looks beautiful. Okay, it looks like they are doing a photo shoot for Cosmo (what a dream!) Peter and the winner of this will be on the cover of the March issue and as someone who read Cosmo since she was 14, this is an out of this world dream! They all look outstanding!

VF kisses him for a picture with other girls in the shot and Kelsey looks like she's going to lose her mind. Victoria F wins and will be on the cover with Peter-coming to a newsstand near you!

So the evening portion of the date is just a lot of kissing and whining...Tammy is going to drop the bomb of P about who Kelsey really is-a cry baby, that's who she is. OH and a BACKSTABBING BITCH who just talks about everyone behind their backs. 

Peter brings Kelsey over to talk about her "mental breakdown" (wrong use of words, Tammygirl) Kelsey did you not watch the show, boo? He is going to go on dates...lots of dates, tons of dates-oh and they all won't be with you! 

Kels goes back to the gals and is throwing around "emotionally unstable" and I didn't hear that term-she's said it now 4 times in less than 2 minutes. HOLY COW, don't take a shot. Lexy has stepped up and is voicing her opinion. VF is saying how strong you need to be. Kelsey is on the verge of tears and is saying she's the only one who is showing her emotions. SHE SAID EU again-do not take a shot, you will need to get your stomach pumped. Peter walks in and is acting so happy and they're all like "Bro, this shit sucks..." Roseeeee goes toooo....Hannah Ann. 

Kelsey SAID emotionally unstable again. Oh brother. 

One on One: with Kelley

Now remember he met Kelley before...now that we remember that, leggo. She's v monotone...her intro interview was strange "I like doing activities, new activities, yeah we will have fun" all one tone of voice. They had a great connection off the bat, but this is awkotaco-well she's awkotaco. Butttt then again, I feel like I every group date all I see is kissing no connections. 

They're doing some hippydippydoo stuff that if Mikhaila watched the Bach, she would be signing us up for this tomorrow...I'm a little glad she isn't. Wait, maybe I do wanna do this, they're having a reading. But this is going south for P & K. 

Back at the house-it's the Kelsey show...she's sitting with Tammy to talk about if she has a problem with her. Kelsey has to go. She is too much. It's too much. If you follow me on IG, I went on a mini rant about her and my dad was even in the kitchen complaining about her "wahh wahh, no one likes me, cry cry cry" like spot on impression. 

Okay, back to the date, it's the dinnertime and Peter is laying it out there. Kelley is staying that she is in it and wants to be there with him. Kelley is saying to him that she doesn't understand what he sees in certain girls compared to her and I get that. She said that she can see herself engaged at the end. He asked her to please give herself to the process. Rose is up...Kelley gets the rose. 

They kinda set us up for more drama there...why is this episode 3 hours? OH CAUSE IT'S THE KELSEY SHOW. 

UGH. Surprise, surprise. Kelsey is at Peter's room/Costa Rica pad...to try to apologize for all the tears, drama, and whatever. I stopped listening. She said that she is falling for him and he said their connection is growing. (Which awesome...super.) Now she is throwing Tammy under the bus for saying she has a drinking problem and that she's "popping pills"-huh? Never heard that...oh did that come up when I turned my listening ears off? Did that really happen? How are her eyes so white? She cries all the time, her eyes are so white. I need a coupon code for her eye drops (fun fact; I physically cannot put eye drops in...I try and they fall down my face, don't even make it into my eye balls) PETER GAVE HER A ROSE. BARFARAMA. (SIDE NOTE: her first words, were about the other girls...she is there for the drama...) Editing made me believe she was going home, but nope, got a stupid rose. 

Cocktail Party & Rose Ceremony: 

If this doesn't end with a RC I'm gonna be pissed. WOAH, OKAYYYY OKAYYYYY-HEADED RIGHT TO A ROSE CEREMONY. HELL YEAH, LET'S GO. They're out for Kelsey's blood-holy cow. Tammy is like tell me what you said about me. DAMNN she did say the pill thing, wait now Kelsey is confessing to the pills she takes? What is happening? Holy bananas. NOW THEY ARE AFTER TAMMY. They majority wants the drama to be over and they want time with Pete-which that's why they are thereeee. 

The girls have cracked. They are all yelling and crying and fighting. They've all come unhinged. 

I've never seen this many people have a breakdown like that before. Okay, there's 6 roses? Sheesh they are dropping like flies! Here we go...

Nope, never mind. Tammy pulled him aside. I knew this would happen. Why can't we ever just button up an episode like the good old days? Now Mykenna went to steal him away. Someone is sitting down in the middle of the rose ceremony. Mykenna is crying. Lexi (Lexy?) is like I guess I'll steal him next...this is all a joke. Now Mykenna and Lexi are fighting. EVERYONE IS FIGHTING. 

Here we really go...Peter is back and next to the damn roses. He is "following his heart"...

Madison (which I spell wrong each time...)

Woah, didn't see Tammy staying...Shiann said the sweetest things to him and realest things to him. Damn, good for you, gf. GUYS, we had a ROSE CEREMONY at the end of an episode-ahhh it's like 2005 all over again, yippppeeee! 

I'll be back with my recap of Wednesday's shitstorm...I mean quest for love on Friday cause I have something really fun for you on Thursday!

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